Insanity

Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

Something I struggle with is getting out of this cycle. It seems impossible with promises of being different. While things can be different, it doesn't mean better or even less hurtful. I just don't know how to get out of the cycle.

There are many things that can fit into this category. Relationships, food, alcohol, self-harm, and even positive things like drawing or painting. Each time there is a promise of something new. A promise of being in a different place. A promise of being able to handle it. A promise of being in a different place. The problem is that it typically ends the same. With me in pain and hurting and dragging in more and more of the "acting out" behavior trying to fix the original issue. Logically I am completely aware of the fact that I am just covering up the issue and not dealing with it. But being unable to regulate my emotions, it just seems impossible to get out of the cycle.

On the plus side, the more I become aware of what is going on and my disorder(s), the more I can work on them. I am really trying to focus on learning new skills and being able to step back and use them. Maybe someday I will be able to perfect them and get out of this cycle of insanity. This cycle that keeps bringing me back to more pain and hurt.

Insanity...such a scary word!