Water

Well, I haven't had a whole lot to say lately. At the same time, I have had so much filling my head that I probably could have wrote about some of the difficulties I have been facing and dealing with. I think I have been too stuck in my head, which leads me to a deep depression and stuck in bed.

Food has always been an issue for me and when I found out I have health issues preventing me from being where I want to be, my eating disorder has kicked in full throttle. There is the logical side, the wise mind, that knows that I am only working against my body, but the emotional side, the BPD side, keeps me stuck in my head and even obsessive about it. This only leads me to more depression and more self-hatred. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to get out of.

One thing that has seemed to somewhat get my mind to rest is the water. I love the water and the sun. Now that the pool is open, I have been going swimming with my girls everyday this past week. There is just something about the water that soothes my soul. I don't even know what or why. My dream and hope is to one day live near the beach so I can always have access to the water, not to mention the sounds and smells of the ocean. It is the only thing, thus far, that I have discovered that can soothe me.

Of course my girls enjoy the swimming and are happy to "spend time with me" since I work a lot. I do wear clothes over my swim suit though because of serious body hatred. There is no way I would be able to enjoy the water just in the suit. Either way, the water has helped me this last week to get somewhat out my head for a little bit.

I do love the water, the sunshine, and most of all the beach!